10) Mobile. It’s the future. Mobile cars, mobile cigarettes, mobile gummy bears. Mobile is the buzz word out there and it’s here to stay. If it’s mobile, invest in it. In 2009 your i-phone will become the j-phone, it will become not just a restaurant locator, credit card and way to ignore other people in awkward social circumstances and seem busy, but also become truly mobile based, leveraging mobility, perhaps even becoming a vehicle, much like the segway.
9) Breakthrough in the toilet industry. This is an often overlooked piece of technology, literally! But can you imagine the market size here, I estimated it at over $19 million annually, in toilets alone! I actually predict a facebook app that will predict when you have to use the restroom, and then just go for you! I’m thinking it will work via some kind of anal catheter maybe directly connected to your i-phone that will be RSS based with your profile. Can you imagine that shit?
8) Green. Again, just one of those buzz words people keep talking about, just over and over again, everywhere, just constantly yapping about it non-stop. So it must be good. It’s right up there with mobile for slick little web 2.0 mini-segments on the Today show and faddish editorials in the WSJ. I think the biggest green technology in ’09 will almost assuredly be tote bags. Think purses, but bigger. People will not want to use things or purchase things anymore, waste not want not! So they will have to carry everything that they could possibly have to use during the day with them at all times. Car oil, knives, cat nip, Kleenex, Styrofoam, all in the new green tote bag. It’ll get heavy, so I’m thinking the deluxe models could be on wheels with smallish gasoline engines to propel them. BIG $.
7) 2012 Presidential election. We just got through one of the quietest political seasons ever, with very limited citizen involvement, and people will look to finally get back off the sidelines and there could be real excitement for the upcoming 2012 election in ’09. To tell you the details I would need you to sign a non-disclosure, but I am heavily invested in a new web-based news platform that will basically focus exclusively on politics, providing a sort of insiders look at the campaigns and key players and general political intrigue. Huge untapped market with absolutely no competition here. I’m still looking for that breakthrough once in a generation candidate, but ’09 could be the year we finally get one.
6) Robotics. Ever since most of us were kids we knew this was just going to be a money factory some day. It has already been 8 long frustrating years since Stanley Kubrick set our expectations so high with his masterful space drama 2001 a Space Odyssey. It’s bound to happen in ’09 baby, I mean it is two-thousand –and-nine. Come on already Honda! Figure it out!
5) Professional sports franchises. If you find yourself in a position to become the owner of a major league sports team in ‘09 I highly recommend pulling the trigger. You will not regret it. I am currently exploring turning my fantasy NFL, NBA, NHL and MLS teams into actual franchises. It’s legally complicated, but I think the courts have left some wiggle room here. If I pull it off I will pretty much be living in one of those sweet luxury boxes full-time! And with several owners out there clearly senile, I’m talking to you Al Davies and Steinbrener, it is a wide open competitive landscape.
4) Anti-counting movement. Counting will really lose momentum after being the mainstay of societal organization for over 15,000 years (15,000 is now so whatever!) The world is all 0s and 1s anyway. So yeah, 10 is way bigger than I thought so I’m skipping to number 1.
1) Credit default swaps. I am up to my eyeballs in these things. I swap agreements on e-trade on an hourly basis, betting on everything from daily rainfall totals in the Amazon basin to municipal tobacco ordinances to John Mayer’s relationship status to pooled toxic-ass mortgages and I just keep going in deeper and deeper. I am clinically addicted to credit default swaps. Anything that sounds as pro as “credit motherfuckin’ default swaps” has got to be just sick. In 2009 AIG will emerge from this little bumpy patch unscathed, and look for Lehman Brothers to rebrand with a sexier Lehman Sisters and as Kanye says, watch the money pile up.
1 comment:
Maybe I can get a run in...
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